Breves Cultch

breves: n. the language in which one speaks in shortened words and phrases. i.e. "She's a mast[er] at breves." also: breving, breved

I mentioned in my very first post that I would be using a lot of abbreviations. I've since realized I have strayed from my promise so I thought I would devote an entire post the the art of abbreviation.

I thought that I was a frequent brever, using words like "obvi" and "totes" and "perf" in casual conversation. Then I spent this past weekend with some people who use "breving" as a common language, and I realized I am way behind in this linguistic culture. Some examples you may not know about:
-cultch --> culture
-ovs --> over (i.e. "come ovs")
-fantast --> fantastic
-sched --> schedule
-effish --> efficient (i.e. "breving is way more effish")
-offish --> official
-d-mech --> defense mechanism
-conversash --> conversation
-awky --> awkward

You get the point.
Here are some rules to follow:
1. Any word ending in -ion can be breved to the root word (i.e. reune = reunion)
2. If its 2+ syllables you can cut off the end and add an s (i.e. totes = totally)
3. If you want to be really annoying, you can add an ies or y to a breve (i.e. whenevsies = whenever or flexy --> flexible).
4. Some are better left said than typed because they just start to look unness (unnecessary). For example, I was told that the breve for obnoxious is spelled "obnoxch" but that looks so bizzaro on paper. Wouldn't you just spell it onbox? Apparently when it ends in -ious you have to add a ch. This is one rule I don't quite agree with but I thought I should include it in this offish breakdown of breving.
5. When in doubt, just cut off the last part of the word and breve it how ever it sounds best.

You can also choose to breve with the end of the word instead of the beginning. For example: "spansh". Spansh is the breved version of expansion (dropping the -ion, of course).

Spansh is also a word that is used to describe another type of breving: when you add an expansion to the word that makes it more fun to say. Here are some examples:
-flexies --> flexible
-perfies --> perfect
-wasticles --> wasted
-tomatsies --> tomatoes
-obnoxical --> obnoxious, like this post.

The important thing to remember is that if you're confused by a breve, pay close attention to the context of the sentence and you should be able to figure out what the person is trying to say. And if that still doesn't work then just punch them in the mouth and say "sorrsies!"