"The show about orange people"

Last week a few of my friends had "GTL" on their Facebook status updates. They indicated that it meant "gym, tanning, laundry" - but I thought it was strange that this new acronym was suddenly so popular. I asked one of my friends about it and she told me it was from the one and only, "Jersey Shore" - MTV's latest reality show about strangers living and working together. Although I had heard many things (good and bad) about this train wreck of a show, I had not taken the chance to view it... until this weekend.

Staying up at Tahoe for the weekend with some friends, I was sidelined from skiing on Sunday after I twisted my knee on my last run on Saturday (my knee has since healed, in case you were curious). After perusing the channels on the house's cable TV set, I decided that now was a better time than any to take advantage of a Jersey Shore marathon. And let me just say, WTF?

Let's start with the fact that my friend previously referred to this television show as "the show about orange people" - rightfully so. These "Italian" Jersey Kings and Queens must spend just as much time working on their tan as they do styling their greasy hair, and it doesn't help any. My other friend picked up my latest issue of People, flipped to the section about the cast of Jersey Shore and proclaimed "ew, these people look disgusting." Yes, they do look disgusting; especially when they're bumping and grinding each other at the hot nightclub on the beach, or in their very own jacuzzi (because what is an MTV reality show without a jacuzzi?).

It goes without saying that cast members have hooked up with each other. One cast member nicknamed J-WOWW cheats on her so-called boyfriend with Pauly D, and then conveniently forgets the details due to over-consumption of alcohol. Don't worry J-WOWW, we got it on tape for you to review. And don't worry about spreading any STDs to your boyfriend once you guys make up, because there is no way Pauly D has contracted anything after hooking up with the dirty Jersey girls that he meets at the clubs every night.

Now would be a great time to mention Pauly D's more than apparent loyalty to his #1 wingman, Mike "The Situation" (he's called "the situation" because whenever he takes his shirt off, there's gonna be a situation in the room. Let it be known that he does have an amazing six-pack, but there is no need to create a situation over it. I've seen Abercrombie & Fitch models that are half his age and sporting even better rock-hard abs). Pauly D regularly acts as the "grenade guard" for his buddy Mike, hooking up with the "busted" girl so that Mike can get with the prettier girl. First of all, these girls are NOT busted - they're just not as tan and skinny as the trashy brunettes that Mike prefers. Secondly, you ain't so hot yourself, Pauly D so I don't know what you're complaining about. I wouldn't touch that shit with a 30 foot pole.

Mike's just being a slut because it's summer at the Jersey Shore and that's what you do! And he's bitter because Sammi "Sweetheart" left him for Ronnie, the roommate with arms that are three times the size of my legs. In one episode he beats up a guy on the boardwalk for starting shit with Sammi. Sammi then cries because Ronnie "pushed" her out of the way before the fight started. Nicole "Snookie" can relate to how Sammi feels because she got punched in the face last week by some douche bag at the bar who was trying to steal her shots. I understand that hitting a girl is messed up, but it's too bad she couldn't get some facial reconstruction or at least a nose job out of the whole thing.

Still, despite the fact that this show makes me want to rip my own eyes and ears out, it has an overwhelming amount of followers. My coworker said it best: "It's disgusting. It makes me sad. It makes my heart hurt. And then I can't stop watching it." I think three episodes is enough for me. I'll save my DVR space for Gossip Girl.