Spare some change?

My motto has always been, never give spare change to homeless people. Because if you give it to one, you have to give it to another, and by the time you know it you have no change for yourself. And god damnit, I earned that change more than someone on the street holding up a sign that says "I bet you a dollar you read this sign," or "why lie, I need a beer," or "spare some money for an 8-ball, a hooker and a motel room?" Okay that last one is kind of clever, but in any case I'd like to keep my money to myself.

This all changed last weekend when I was struck by a terribly distraught and starving old woman sitting at the bus stop. Not only did she look like she was about to keel over and die from lack of nutrition, but she was weeping and wimpering - such a sad, sad sight. So I reached into my wallet and gave her a WHOLE DOLLAR BILL. She was so incredibly grateful that she tried to get up and hug me, but I told her to sit down and go get herself something to eat. She cried because she was so happy. I was touched.

A couple of days later I was waiting in the BART station with my friend and this man came up to us and asked us for some money so he could get home. Actually, he told us some long drawn out story about how many people he had asked that day. I didn't feel like getting my wallet out and I knew I had some change in my coat pocket, so I reached in and pulled out two pennies, which the man was happy to take. But then he dropped one, and when he bent down to pick it up, he physically couldn't get it off the marble floor because he had no finger nails! I pushed my friend to help him, but we both just stood there watching this poor man try to pick up a penny. Finally he picked it up by using the other penny, to which he said to us "you've got to use your brain." I couldn't help but think, for someone who cares about using their brain I'm surprised you've stooped so low as to take two pennies from a well-dressed girl in the BART station. Poor shmuck.

Tweet

I was recently forced to join Twitter so that I could research it's usefulness for our company. So far, I would have to say that it is as creepy and self-involved as it is an ingenious marketing tool. That is, if you actually have stuff to "tweet" about. (Yes, the verb is "tweet" and not "twittering")

When I signed up, I was asked to pick people I know through G-mail that are on twitter so that I could follow them. Following is basically like stalking. Your homepage has a list of all of the people you follow and their most recent updates. I suppose it could be compared to the most recent Facebook update, but I still like Facebook better than any other social networking site because it is clean and interactive and constantly becoming more innovative. But back to Twitter...

When I was clicking people to follow, I noticed that my mom was on Twitter already. Seriously, mom? I know you're reading this right now and that you will probably comment on this post, but what on earth would provoke you to join twitter? The only logical reason would be for client research. But no offense; who is actually following you? Do you know enough people on twitter that would care about your daily updates? And do you even have enough going on to provide daily updates? I'm not trying to single you out, but I'm just using you as an example.

Are people's lives so boring that they need to be involved in everyone else's life also? Sorry Ashton, but I don't give a flying fuck what you think about Demi's new haircut.

On the other hand, Twitter is an excellent tool for businesses, especially those with event listings and special offers. What better way to alert people than through a mass communication site - for FREE! As long as a business has enough content to update people with, there is no reason they shouldn't be twittering these updates. However, I don't think Twitter would work for companies that are static, such as Heinz Ketchup. Besides that weird color change promotion a few years back, when has Heinz been anything but a ketchup company?

So, if you're on twitter you better have some pretty friggin fantastic updates for me. And if I see a duplicate update on Facebook, well I've just lost all respect for your social life.

Top Meal

Some of you may watch the hit show, Top Chef on Bravo TV. It wrapped up it's fifth season a couple of months ago, which I think was one of the best seasons. One of the finalists from this season (and my favorite contestant), Jamie Lauren, happens to be the executive chef at a San Francisco restaurant called Absinthe. I had lunch there a while back and left her my business card, telling her to contact me if she wanted to see any shows.

Turns out that little outreach went quite a long way. After providing Jamie with tickets to the opening night of a sold out show, she hit me back with an extraordinary meal at Absinthe, which I took advantage of last night.

My foodie friend and I decided to do a late dinner, and we ended up hanging out for almost three hours. We started off with some delicious vodka martinis to get our buzz going. Once we were seated at our booth, we ordered some Hood Canal and Beau Soleil oysters, paired with two half glasses each of French white wine. One was slightly oakey wall the other was quite effervescent and went well with the oysters. We then ordered some very interesting dried apricot and sage country pate. Jamie informed us it's one of her favorite dishes and the pate is hard, more like salami, so you don't even need to spread it. It was delish. Following the pate was some escargot in the shell, which I absolutely love and try to order every time I eat in a French restaurant.

On to some red wine. My friend got two Pinot Noirs side-by-side, while I opted for a Bordeaux and a Cotes-du-Rhone. All four were very palate-pleasing. I dined on braised Lamb Shanks with Israeli couscous, while my friend ordered the halibut. We tapped off the meal with some sheep's milk cheese and some absinthe, of course. The overall meal was spectacularly satisfying, and I will definitely be back to give Jamie some more well-deserved business, as should you!

Top 10 Reasons to Visit my Grandparents

10. They live in San Diego, where it is sunny all year long and you can get a fully loaded fish taco for $2.

9. They paid for my flight and reimbursed me for transportation from the airport because they didn't want to drive during rush hour to pick me up. (Thank God, because my grandfather's driving scares the crap out of me.)

8. They cook really good food, most of which is grown from their own garden, and they have fresh squeezed orange juice available at all hours of the day.

7. They just bought a new TV with digital cable, and I didn't even need to teach them how to use the remote.

6. When the San Diego Padres beat the San Francisco Giants two nights in a row, my grandfather stuck his tongue out at me and called the Giants a bunch of dummies.

5. They hate being some of the few democrats in San Diego, and when Prop 8 was passed they were ashamed to be living in one of the most conservative cities in California.

4. They insist they are the only Jews in San Diego, and when they couldn't find matzo bread at the local grocery store they ordered some on the internet (yes, they are avid users of the world wide web).

3. They want to buy snuggies because their favorite Sunday funnies character, "Pickles" has one. And they're going to buy me one too!

2. My grandfather asked when he was going to get a great grandkid. My grandmother wanted to make sure I was on the pill.

1. According to my grandma, "they love me -- even with tattoos!!!" And I love them too!

The perks of drinking with your boss

The best ideas come out of you after a couple of drinks. Your brain starts turning with new ideas and before you know it, you have an entire promotional pitch!

My lovely boss and I went out for a couple (err several) drinks after work yesterday. We also managed to coat our stomachs with calamari and pork sliders so the martini's didn't get in the way of driving home.

After round four or five, I whipped the pen and paper out and we came up with an entire list of promotional ideas for our next big project. My handwriting gets kind of messy towards the bottom of the list, but it will be transferred into a power point document later so as long as I can read it, we're good.

I also managed to get out of her some of the reasons why I was hired. Turns out, I nailed my phone interview and my resume was filled with a multitude of experiences that go hand in hand with promotions and marketing (even though I dropped out of the business school and decided to get a film degree after a month into my freshman year).

I feel really sorry for you if you have a boss that doesn't like to drink with you. Even on one or two occasions. A staff party, an opening night dinner, a holiday gathering, or in my case, Tuesday happy hour. It really makes being slightly hungover the next morning a lot more bearable, because you don't have to hide it from them.

So, next one's on your boss!

Beachy Weekend

I love April. This weekend I went to the beach three times.

The first was on a bike ride through Golden Gate park on Saturday morning, and on the weekends most of the road is blocked off for cars so bikers and runners have the road all for themselves. The park leads right to the Ocean Beach, which in the morning is usually filled with surfers and older people walking. You can ride on the beach walk down the shore as far as Lake Merced. Though, the further South you ride, the longer you have to ride back against the wind, which is almost like riding uphill. My friend and I rode all the way down to Sloat before turning around and heading back through the park to embark on our separate Saturday afternoon plans. She was heading down to Chrissy Field to play sloshball (drunken kickball), and I had a friend's BBQ to attend.

Later that evening, I went back to the beach for a bonfire. I made it just in time for sunset, which was filled with shades of orange and pink and purple. We drank beers and told stories around the fire, and played a fantastic game of Chinese Fingers. The cops showed up at around midnight to make sure we didn't have glass bottles and that we were of legal drinking age. They were pretty lame about it, but I guess I would be pretty lame too if my job was to walk around a beach ruining people's fun. In any case, they left us alone and other than the fact that my hair smelled like BBQ for the next two days (even after showering), it was a rockin' good time.

On Sunday, it was hot. Not warm, but hot. In April. In Northern California. If you don't live here and you're reading this, I know you're jealous. My friends and I took the nauseating bus ride down to the beach to lay down for a bit and read. The sun was strong and the wind was blowing. I ended up sunburning the backs of my legs because I didn't think to put sunscreen on when I was so immersed in the second book of the Twilight series. The beach stared to get a little crowded by 3:30, and we got back on the bus to head home, where I spent the remainder of the afternoon drinking iced coffee and playing scrabble on my sunny deck.

The whole weekend almost felt like a vacation. And I guess it sort of was, considering that the forecast for the next four days is rain. At least my burn will turn into a nice tan.

Veg for a Week

Last week I accidentally became a vegetarian.

I never realized how easy it was to stop eating meat. I suppose I mostly just eat chicken and turkey, unless I go out to eat in which case I will order steak or pork or some other red meat, because I never cook it for myself. It's just so much easier to cook tofu or chickpeas or fish. Who has the time to marinate and grill a steak?

I recently got a grill pan for that exact purpose. I've used it a few times when entertaining, but it's such a pain in the ass to clean that it's almost not even worth cooking the damn meat.

Vegetarianism/Veganism is so common in San Francisco, that when you're going away on a camping trip or cooking some sort of group meal, "are there any vegans or vegetarians" is quite a common question. And there almost always is at least one, if not five.

The first time I met my ex-boyfriend, before even asking for my name, he said, "So what are you? Vegan? Vegetarian?" My response: "Ummm, I eat meat." The next day when he called me to ask me out to dinner, he asked me the same question. I suppose he was too drunk the previous night to remember my answer. But his reasoning for asking me, apparently he really insulted some girl when he was out on a date with her and was talking about how annoying it is to date someone who doesn't eat meat.

Whenever somebody tells me they're a vegetarian, I ask them if it's for political or nutritional purposes. Almost always the answer is "both." I think it begins with nutritional, and then when they realize how much they desperately miss meat they have to justify their sacrifice by looking into all the political and economic reasons.

I could never fully give up eating meat because I love it too much. But I must say, going veg for a week was pretty nice. I saved a lot of time and energy (and money) cooking only veggies and some fish. And at the end of the week I felt great. But then on Friday night I skipped dinner and drank from 5pm-12am. I got home at 2am and made the best BLT in the world, using turkey bacon of course.

Everybody Plays the Fool

Last year I was able to fool almost all of my friends, family members, and co-workers that I was engaged to my long-distance boyfriend. All I had to do was change my Facebook status to "engaged!!!" and I changed my profile picture to a photo of me and the guy. Not only was it a simply fantastic April Fools joke, but it was an interesting experiment in social networking sites.

I was trying to think of a good prank for this year: I'm pregnant, I quit my job, I'm a lesbian, I'm moving to Australia, I'm terminally ill... but after last year, nobody believes anything I say. I suppose you can never really top your greatest prank.

When I was a kid we used to prank my dad every year. One year we filled his car with balloons while it was parked at the train station. Another year we told him someone broke into the house and stole all his wine. And I think another year we told him the dog died, but he wasn't too upset so that one didn't really pan out.

If you have any ideas of a good prank, leave a comment.

And Happy April Fools Day!