Barellas

We finally got some much-needed rain in SF today. It's supposed to rain for the next four days, which is great because apparently we were dangerously approaching the threat of a drought. In case you didn't know, droughts can lead to brush fires, dandruff, bad vineyard years, and very angry people who don't get the proper dose of fresh fruit and vegetables.

With rain comes one of the most controversial accessories: umbrellas. They seem convenient in the way they shield you from the rain, but in actuality they cause more frustration than comfort. What follows is a list of reasons why I think umbrellas are stupid:

a. if it's windy (and most of the time it is when it rains and especially in SF or Chicago and NY where most of my other friends reside), your umbrella is bound to turn upside-down on you, causing you to look like a fool who can't manage their own accessory.
b. they don't shield you from puddles.
c. most people don't have umbrella holders at their doorway, so you're left sticking your sopping wet umbrella somewhere that is bound to get other things wet.
d. they're bad luck if you open them indoors.
e. they break all the time... even the expensive ones are unreliable.
f. when it stops raining and you still have your umbrella open, it's really awkward.
g. even if you agree with all of the above, you're still forced into buying one because what kind of idiot doesn't own an umbrella?

Maybe my hatred of umbrellas stems from the fact that it was one of my brother's favorite toys when he was a toddler. He LOVED umbrellas. He called it a "barella." He would sit in his barella in the dark hallway closet with his glow-in-the dark action figures. He would watch movies in his barella. The Rescuers Down Under was one of his favorites (and mine too), because Bernard and Miss Bianca used an umbrella to transport down the Australian crocodile-infested rivers. He wanted to float in his barella down a crocodile-infested river, or at least the stream on the golf course. I ask you, how can an umbrella be more fun to play with than your totally awesome and infinitely more animate big sis?

I own an umbrella. It's black with rainbow polka-dots. I've used it twice since I moved here a year ago. It's small and it fits into most purses, but it generally rests on my bedroom doorknob. I also own a hooded water-proof down jacket that has outlasted my past three umbrellas. Thanks, North Face.